"I am a Contemplative"

"I Am A Contemplative"

I have heard the phrase, “I am a contemplative” uttered by many devout Catholics who are genuinely committed to a life of prayer. There are good reasons for this expression. They can represent positive sentiments like these:

• I value prayer and give a good deal of time to it.
• I want to be identified with a strong commitment to prayer.
• I appreciate Carmelite spirituality and am or desire to be a part of it.
• I pray and it sure feels "contemplative" to me.

These and other positive reasons aside, there also a number of potentially problematic elements in this expression that are worthy of reflection.

An Authentic Understanding of Contemplative Prayer

Though I have no doubt that these good reasons exist in every soul I have heard or seen use the phrase, “I am a contemplative,” I have never encountered one instance where, after asking a few questions, I failed to discover significant misunderstandings regarding authentic contemplative prayer as taught by the Carmelite doctors of the Church.

The most common belief held by those who say, “I am a contemplative” is that contemplation is something we can choose to do. In response to a recent social media claim of "I am a contemplative," I gently and respectfully asked, “What is contemplation?” The answer followed the usual pattern. The good person responded with all the things they do in prayer. For instance, they speak of how they pray, the methods they use etc.

A good student of sound spiritual theology or Carmelite spirituality, in particular, knows that any definition of contemplation that begins with an emphasis on human action is a definition that is problematic even if it contains some truth. In the Carmelite tradition, a "contemplative" is one known to regularly experience infused contemplative prayer. The state of infused contemplation is not one that we can do or achieve by some action or method – it is a work of God for which we can only prepare.

These good folks often make this serious error, and another offspring of it, “I do contemplative prayer” or “I practice contemplative prayer.” Of course, this understanding can be as problematic as its parent because one cannot do what only God can provide to the soul.

Here is a sound definition of contemplation that is in keeping with Carmelite tradition from my book Navigating the Interior Life:

Contemplative prayer is an infused supernatural gift, that originates completely outside of our will or ability, by which a person becomes freely absorbed in God, producing a real and substantive awareness, desire, and love for Him. This often gentle or delightful and sometimes non-sensible encounter yields insights into things of the spirit and results in a deeper and tangible desire and ability to love God and neighbor in thought, word, and deed. It is important to note that infused contemplation is a state that can be prepared for, but cannot in any way be produced by the will or desire of a person through methods or ascetical practices.

The Problem of Pride and Humility

To enter into a substantive prayer life, one must begin on the path of humility. Notice I said, “begin.” St. Teresa of Avila notes in her Interior Castle, that authentic self-knowledge and humility are the beginning foundations of a substantive prayer life. They are not something acquired later but must be present to the beginner in some measure before they can venture more deeply into the Castle, and typically contemplative prayer comes much later in the journey.

To be a contemplative or a mystic, one must be in the Illuminative phase of spiritual growth or beyond. This means the pilgrim will usually have spent a number of years, even decades, wrestling against and winning the battle (by God’s mercy and their grace-enabled effort) over habitual sin and even imperfections. It means they will have ventured through the dark valley of the spiritual purgation of the nights. By this time in their journey, it is common that they spend an hour or more a day in prayer and are deeply committed to frequent sacramental participation. It means they are living a life of deep sanctity. These folks are heading for, into, or living in, the domain of the saints.

As of yet, I have never encountered a saint or anyone close to being a saint, living or dead, who would state, “I am a saint,” or I am a mystic,” or “I am a contemplative.” Instead, what you hear out of the mouths of these holy men and women is, “I am a sinner” or “I am a worm,” as St. Teresa was often heard to say. Yes, she acknowledged the unfathomable beauty of a soul in a state of grace. However, she also knew the dark capacity of her own soul and that of every person. She understood the danger of spiritual pride by the time of writing her great work on prayer; she saw many fall into this deadly trap. Thus she generally avoided describing any direct expression of her own experiences with God and never drifted into claims of being a saint or a mystic.

Thus, proclaiming “I am a contemplative” is generally a prideful and theologically problematic statement that should never be uttered by one who seeks the life of authentic prayer or one who is a part of Apostoli Viae. To be fair, this self-designation can sometimes come out of a sincere misunderstanding of Church teaching that is typically rooted in the false teachings of the Centering Prayer movement or in the orthodox teaching in the realm of Ignatian prayer. Regardless, humility dictates that we both understand what the Church teaches about authentic contemplative prayer and that we always pursue humility and self-deprecation when describing our spiritual state.

What Does it Mean to Live the "Contemplative Life" as Proposed by Apostoli Viae?

In Apostoli Viae, we do say that we seek to “live the contemplative life.” However, living the contemplative life means that we recognize our desperate need for God and union with Him. We thereby commit to giving ourselves to a disciplined life of prayer, penance, sacrifice, and service to God and those He has placed in our care. This is the path to contemplation, but God is the one who decides whether or not we cross that bridge, how often, and how deeply. Regardless, it is a good life that properly lived, leads one to proclaim, along with the publican, “God have mercy on me a sinner!”